DH on the Road Again

DH has been traveling for work again.  Four days in mid-February, then home for a week (3 days of which he was sick with the flu that he brought home with him), then gone again for 7 days the last week of the month/beginning of March.

I will not lie.  By the 27th of February I was sick to death of his job.  I was happy for the paycheck, yes, but how I hated the fact that DH was not home with me, that I had to settle for a quick 2 minute phone call after days of having texts that said "call you when we stop for lunch" and he didn't have time at lunch, or "call you when we get to the hotel" and then they got in hours later than planned and he had no time to call, or "call you after the meeting" but by then, because he's on the west coast and I'm in Michigan, it was after midnight here so he didn't call.

I had enough stuff to deal with at home, what with a local tragedy taking place less than 24 hours before DH flew out, and trying to be a sounding board for my daughters as they grieved and tried to make sense of the loss of a schoolmate. 

I had enough stuff to deal with keeping the fire stoked (normally DH's job), every afternoon slogging through wet muddy ground carrying logs bigger around than my thighs and stuffing them, one at a time, into the wood boiler.  A dozen trips to the woodpile and back, one or two big heavy chunks of oak at a time.

I had enough stuff to deal with, trying to ward off that flu DH brought home from his last trip, illness that was stuffing up my head and making me have chills.

I had enough stuff to deal with, what with me not being all that technologically savvy and having the router die exactly one day after DH left for the airport.  I so nervously researched and chose a new one, praying I had gotten the kind we needed and for a good price.

I had enough stuff to deal with when the owner of the farm where I keep my horses (and work off their board) informed me that my co-worker might not be able to work much longer due to health issues and she would need me to be there to feed at both 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. seven days a week until at least summer (uh, not happening; DH & I have a few child-related trips planned I will not miss out on--I told her she would have to hire another person.  Did not go over well.  Add stress to my all ready burdened shoulders).

So, I did not fare well mentally during this latest work-required trip of DH's.  Especially knowing that come April, his job will keep him away from home nearly the entire month straight.  No, no, I was not the strong, capable woman I wanted to be.  By day four I could feel myself falling down the pit of depression.  I didn't want to do the things on my daily schedule, the structure of which I crave.  I did not want to get out of bed in the morning to go through another day of not being able to see or talk to him, of taking care of everything and everyone here when I just wanted so badly for someone to take care of me.  I was nearly a blithering idiot, trying so hard not to cry when he wasn't able to call, and trying to not take it out on DH when he did call. 

Traveling is stressful enough on him, lots of pressure to do the job, and missing out on his children's lives, not to mention not having a wife in his arms at night.  He never sleeps well when he travels.  So I will not burden him.  I take it to God instead.  Who wraps me in His arms, who makes me stronger, who keeps me safe while my husband is gone.  And I find something enjoyable to fill the lonesome hours, like piecing together quilt blocks, or working on a counted cross stitch, or putting together a 1000 piece puzzle.

This time of trial shall pass, it's just not always easy to remember that when I'm in the thick of it.