My husband's job has required, through the years, more or less traveling. There have been some short spells (say a year or two at a time) that he didn't have to travel, but most years he's had to make work-related trips at least twice a year.
Some years, okay, probably half of the last 17 years, he's had to travel more like every other month. There were about three years straight that he traveled two weeks out of every month for eight months of the year. This year, his travel schedule has averaged six days of every month; some months nothing, but other months trips 10-14 days long.
Confession: I'm getting burnt out on the traveling hubby routine. Yes, I'm thankful that he still has a good job. But honestly, it's tough on family life when the husband/father is gone frequently. Even when he's home, the whole week before a trip his mind is on that trip; so it's like he's gone even though physically he's home in the evenings. And the week after he returns, there's usually so much 'in office' stuff (more like cubicle rather than office, lol) to catch up on, those are usually long work days too. The family feels rather short-changed.
Others tell us we should be grateful that he has a steady job, which creates rather a juxtaposition of emotions. Displeasure along with gratitude. Unhappiness along with joy. We have income, yes, but not so much a husband and father. What a trade off.
What can a wife do? She can cut loose and give up the traveling husband entirely, missing out on even those brief times when his mind and time aren't possessed by his job. Or, she can suck it up, carry on, and hang on to what she's got even if it at times it doesn't seem like enough.
Here are some coping strategies I've used through the years:
1. Make the day before DH leaves on a trip a special day. Plan a nice dinner (rather than a quickie thrown together one) and everyone eat together even if it means adjusting mealtime earlier or later than usual. Or, if your budget and desires permit, perhaps go out to eat that evening. For us, eating out is a rare thing, so that in itself makes a meal out special.
2. The day DH leaves, get up and have breakfast with him. Even if it means waking up at 4:00 a.m. so he can catch an early flight. This last little bit of time together can ease the loss felt when he's not around. You can always go to bed early that night, as soon as the kids are tucked in, to make up for the lost sleep.
3. Plan to eat all the things that you like, but DH doesn't, while he's gone. One oldie but goodie and easy to cook meal we rarely have when DH is home is tuna casserole. So, that's something I make while he's gone. And peaches. And beets. Mmmm. And chocolate ice cream! If your DH is a big meat-eater, and you'd like to try some vegetarian cuisine, now's the time.
4. Change it up a little. If we normally eat dinner late because that's when DH is home from work, maybe the kids and I might agree to eat early, say 4:30, and then have a dessert at our 'normal' dinner time. Or, we might have breakfast for dinner--like pancakes or waffles. Or, heaven forbid, dessert first!
5. Watch a chick flick after you put the kids to bed. You know what I'm talking about: a movie you would like to see but know your DH wouldn't enjoy or want to watch with you.
In other words, instead of seeing this time of separation from your beloved husband as a trial and a struggle, turn it into a special treat. Something you can look forward to rather than dreading.
Something else we do, now that technology has advanced so far, is to send each other a good morning text, and a good night text. When you are time zones apart, making talking in person before or after work difficult, a text can be just the contact you need to get through another day apart. Those early days of his traveling, before even cell phones were common, it might be days before I heard from him. I might sleep through a call that was coming in at 2:00 a.m., when, several time zones away, he finally got back to his hotel room and had a chance to call. Or, more often, he would realize how late it was back home, and not call at all. For me to call him, back then, in the wee hours of the morning there, there had better have been an emergency back home he needed to drop everything for (like when his grandfather died in '96).
Helping kids cope with a traveling dad is something else that wives have to do while their husbands are away working.
Here are some ideas from when my kids were little that might help your kids get through the time that Daddy is gone.
--if possible, and he has to fly to where he will be working, drive him to the airport. Let the kids see him off and maybe even see 'his' plane away (I used to park on a side road behind the airport and wait until the approximate departure time of DH's flight, then when we saw a jet going up, up, and away we'd wave at Daddy).
--afterward, take the kids and buy them doughnuts for breakfast. For my kids, this was a special treat as we never went out for breakfast, and rarely had doughnuts.
--if you dropped your DH off at the airport for departure, of course he needs a ride home again. Even if it's late at night, let the kids go in their pj's to pick up Daddy at the airport.
--make a calendar of the days Daddy will be gone. Each night, make a big X across one of the days on that calendar.
--if your DH remembers, have him take a couple of postcard stamps with him. When he arrives at his destination, have him take a minute to buy a post card, fill it out to the kids, and mail it. If he's going to be gone longer than a week, try to send a postcard every 2-3 days, with the last one arriving to your home the day before he does.
--if DH can't call home during the hours the kids will be awake, make sure you give them each a hug "from Daddy" before bed every night.
--if he will be traveling during his trip, rather than staying in one spot the entire time, get a map and track his route day by day. Tape this to the wall at a height the kids can see it, and let them put stickers on the towns he stays in, or trace with marker or crayon the highways he traveled each day.
--have the kids make a banner to welcome Daddy home. Hang it in a place he will see when he walks in the door, even if the kids will be fast asleep when he arrives.
Being a cohesive family when the husband/father travels often isn't easy. But it isn't impossible either. It's all about being in the right frame of mind.
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