April Goals

April has lived up to it's reputation (April showers. . .) so far.  I think we've had rain at least half the day 4 days of the six April has given at this point.  At least the weekend was beautiful (and full of outdoor work), and this coming weekend looks promising as well.

With the wet weather, I've had lots of indoor time for thinking and planning.  Some of which has resulted in my list of goals for the month.

1. ride 12 times (barring any more lost shoes or lame horses)
2. lose 2 pounds
3. lose 1" of waist
4. walk 1/2 hr 3-4x week (wonder if walking in the woods with the grandkids on Saturday mornings counts?  I haven't so far because it's been a less than vigorous pace, but then again it is usually an hour or more, so maybe could count as 1 half-hour vigorous walk session?)
5. try 4 new recipes
6. do 1 jigsaw puzzle
7. read 2 books -- 1 non- & 1 fiction
8. 1 hr declutter/organizing per week
9. reduce anxiety
10. finish Peru socks & K3 sweater
11. plant peas, lettuce, spinach, beets, carrots & potatoes in garden
12. put the Quarter Horse up for sale

All of these goals are totally obtainable.  Not one of them is out of the question. (Well, maybe #11 is, since it is more dependent on the weather than the rest of them.  I can't plant seeds into cold,waterlogged soil. . . )

Number 9 seems a little nebulous, but if I said that it could also be listed as "be kinder to myself" or "take a nap when I need to" or "just because I did it when I was 20, 30, 40 doesn't mean I have to do it now at 45" or "just say 'not my issue'" maybe that gives you an idea of what the objective is with this one.  I, more often than not, find myself feeling over faced, exhausted, or with people trying to put more responsibility on my shoulders than necessary. 

DH and I have had a few conversations lately on where the line is between helping and enabling.  Which is sort of ironic since some of the things he would prefer me to be responsible for (versus him being responsible) could fall on the enabling side. I understand that he's kind of overwhelmed at work, but does that mean it's okay to expect me to pick up more of the tasks at home if doing so is overwhelming me? Does he really require 2-3 hours "relaxing" on the couch in front of the TV with the computer on his lap everyday after work?  Or could he, perhaps, do a few chores instead?

I won't even get into the whole when/if/how long each week we should have the grandkids over. . . that is definitely a balancing act between 'for the good of the child' and 'enabling a parent to not change their ways'.  That topic, though, is probably the biggest source of my anxiety this year.  And the impetus for the helping vs enabling conversations between DH & I. There are so many other things I'd rather spend my time with him doing than rehashing the 'what to do about the kids' topic every few days.

Another source of my anxiety is that the population of this little place here will be changing again at the end of April.  And it will be in flux for no one really knows how many months after that.  DD2 will be coming home from college when the semester ends, but then leaving for her study abroad trip a couple of weeks later.  She'll be gone for six weeks, then home for about a month before leaving to go back to college.  Right about the time DD2 heads back to the U.P., DD1 very likely will be moving home again in order to do her student teaching.  Apparently, even though student teaching is an unpaid semester of full time work, those education students doing the teaching are not allowed to work elsewhere (the premise being they are teaching all day, plus doing lesson planning and grading papers in the evenings and on weekends and so have no time for outside employment). As such, with no income, DD1 has requested to move back home for her final semester of college and has asked to be assigned to a school within a reasonable commute of this little place here.  We aren't really expecting her to move out immediately after her graduation in December, so I have no idea, once April ends, when DH & I will return to empty nest status.  There is a strong possibility that there will be a wedding for DD1 and Honorary Son before the nest is emptied again.

So, yeah, I feel that it's important for me to get a grip on my anxiety level before this month is over.  Coping mechanisms will be needed in the future for sure.