I'm hoping to be back to posting fairly regularly (as in, roughly once a week like the last several years) sometime soon. September was busy in mostly good ways and October has been an abrupt change in storyline. Honestly, this month so far is a blur. I'm tired and my body hurts. DD2 has moved back home after nearly two years of living with Brad, who was her boyfriend.
Was.
It's been a long rollercoaster of a two weeks, first filled with DD2 in an emotional black hole wondering why she was such a horrible person that after three years (and some encouraging conversations in recent months about their long term future) Brad broke up with her after an argument (that in hindsight he'd goaded her into.). Add insult to injury, the breakup came just a few days before her 27th birthday.
After many tearful days and sleepless nights and feeling like she was a failure because he'd broken up with her, because she doesn't have a job (due to increasing health issues last winter through this summer), and because now she was 27 living back in her childhood bedroom, the truth slowly became clear.
It wasn't her that was a horrible person. It was him. And also the roommate and (she'd thought) friend that had moved in with them in May when they moved to a larger apartment at a different apartment complex. The roommate that DD2 had accompanied to doctor appointments and to the hospital in July for a hysterectomy that ended up being more complicated than expected, had stayed with her in the hospital (since DD2 didn't have a job to go to), had nursed and tended during the six-week recovery from the roommate's surgery.
Brad and the roommate had apparently been dating prior to him suggesting the move to a new apartment. So, the entire time Brad, DD2 and roommate have been sharing an apartment, he has been cheating on DD2 with the roommate. The roommate who made DD2 think she was her friend. And then made DD2 feel so horrible that DD2's arguing with Brad had been so scary for her and DD2 was totally at fault in Brad's decision to break up.
Excuse me, what? That was the story being fed to DD2 the entire first week after the breakup: that DD2 was a terrible person. Nothing was said about the true relationship between Brad and the roommate until DD2 sent them a group text to let them know that her eldest brother and her mom and probably a long time (since high school) friend or two would be coming on Saturday to help her move out all of her things from the apartment.
For whatever reason, that is when the truth came out. Very viciously from the roommate, and even Brad wanting to know why she was inconveniencing them by bringing her family to their apartment on a day when they'd been hoping to relax. The whole truth about how long Brad and the roommate had been an item.
We moved her anyway. Her best guy friend since freshman year of high school, DS1 (there for muscle in moving things and the intimidation factor of a Marine just in case of trouble), and I went in, and carried stuff out as fast as she could pack it. We were on a mission to help her close the door on that bad situation as fast a possible and not let those two play her any longer putting her off and making it difficult for her to get her belongings (and off the lease).
This mom is really angry. I cannot even begin to fathom what kind of twisted reasoning makes this behavior even remotely excusable. A boyfriend who not only cheats, he convinces you that taking on this roommate that he 'knows from work' is beneficial to you. A female roommate who makes you think she's your friend and then not only uses you for her own personal nursemaid she continues an affair with the guy she knows is your boyfriend, that you share a bedroom with.
The only good points I can see so far are that a) DD2 is no longer under his spell, b) she has realized how many of her friends and family he has alienated her from in the last couple of years and c) she sees an enormous support system in her friends and family (and even some of his friends who are shocked by this development and have reached out to her).
So, adjustments ahead. DH and I aren't true empty nesters yet. I guess this chapter of my life is about helping DD2 regain her physical health, get back into the work force and work toward financial independence in the foreseeable future.
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