Don't Try This Away From Home

 Rather than the disclaimer so often heard when watching something on a tv show or commercial: "Don't try this at home!", at risk of TMI I'm going to share something I learned while on that hiking trip to Sedona with the grandkids last month.

Being a lady of a certain age, who has borne four children and has the resultant bladder tendencies to show for it (or, rather, hope they don't show enough for other people to see!) I've noticed some things as the years go on.

1.  Being sick with a racking cough can be embarrassing if it's been more than about 10 minutes since I used the bathroom.

2. Likewise a sudden hard sneeze.  Both of which instances can create extra laundry.

3. Ditto trying to ride a horse with a jolting trot. (Several years ago I instituted a 'pee before mounting' rule, LOL, but sometimes the trot is just too rough for even that to work.)

4. Grandmas don't jump.  Even if our knees are game, our bladders aren't.

5. Likewise large steps up or down while hiking/rock scrambling can create extra laundry. 

Too much TMI?  Ok, you probably want to stop reading now.  Proceed at your own risk; don't say I didn't warn you.

Still curious?  Read on, especially if you are also a woman of a certain age who has borne many babies.  Consider this a Public Service Announcement.

Period Underwear.  You know, the stuff that is supposed to alleviate your fears of unexpected period abundance and is even lately touted as being useful for leaky mom/grandma bladders?  Due to observation #3, above, in the last couple of years I have invested in some of the miracle undies even though at the advanced age of over 50 I'm hoping every period is the last one (please. . . can I be done yet?!?)   

And, while they do help with the jolting trot situation (or, sudden spooks on a young horse IYKYK), I can't say they work well for numbers 4 & 5.  Those two items being the reason I packed them for our Sedona trip.

In retrospect, it was a great idea, but with testing it failed miserably.  Did I end up with wet shorts/leggings during our hiking excursions?  Nope.  In that respect, they did a great job of absorbing whatever little liquid bits came their way.  (Told you this post really pushes the limit of what's considered TMI.)  Nobody on the trails could tell I'm a lady of a certain age who has borne many children just by walking behind me.

However, how other hikers didn't wonder why, late in the hike, I walked like a toddler with a giant wet diaper, I don't know.  Because that's what I felt like after hiking, and sweating, for miles.  Like I should be making a squishing sound with every step.

Those period undies are super absorbent, and very discreet.  However, they sucked up every single drop of SWEAT that was in their vicinity.  And hiking is a sweaty undertaking, more so when you're on the difficult trails with rock climbing or having to take large steps onto/hop off of small boulders.

Based on this highly unscientific trial, I'd give them five stars for absorbency. 

Five stars for wearing while riding young/spooky horses and/or rough trots.  

But for wearing while hiking??  Zero stars. They would be okay if there was somewhere to strip out of them immediately and replace with a pair that didn't hold five pounds of sweat at the end of the hike. Definitely don't try this away from home.