The Ugly Biscuit

 This is actually a post I'd intended to write years and years ago.  According to my drafts folder here, I wrote out the title (and didn't type any body) back in the Fall of 2020.  At the time I had made biscuits earlier in the day, was reminded of what my kids always called the last biscuit made in the batch, and thought I'd compose a post in regards to that.

So, life happened, the post didn't get written, and here we are in Spring of 2025.  I made biscuits and gravy for breakfast the other day, ate the Ugly Biscuit, and remembered this intended post of long ago.  

Indulge me in a bit of nostalgia, and I'll include my biscuits and gravy recipe, LOL.

For decades (3+ decades,) I have made biscuits from scratch.  And no matter how many times I've made the same recipe, I can never quite get it to come out with all biscuits the exact same diameter and thickness.  Being that I use a biscuit cutter, they are all uniform size/diameter until I get to the last bit of dough.  

But that last one?  It's typically hand shaped because it's a tad too little dough to roll to the same thickness as the others and be big enough around to use my cutter on. Or, sometimes, that last chunk of dough would roll and make a biscuit, but that would leave some dough around the edges that wasn't enough to make smaller biscuit that's big enough to not burn while cooking but if stuffed into the biscuit cutter with the just cut biscuit would make that biscuit too thick to cook all the way through in the same time as the others on the pan, so I just free form a slightly bigger around biscuit with my hands. Or, sometimes I can take the remaining amount of dough and gently pat it into the biscuit cutter so it is perfectly round and not too thick, but being that it was patted and not rolled, the top isn't smooth like the others.  

Thickness is important, so it cooks evenly and for the same amount of time as the other biscuits on the pan.  Diameter is not as essential. And so, in any pan of biscuits I make, there's always one a little smaller or a little lumpier or a hair larger around than the rest.

That's the Ugly Biscuit.  Probably not a politically correct term, possibly a biscuit body-shaming phrase, but there it is.

Somewhere along the way, one of my kids dubbed that runty or bigger or less-than-smooth (or both!) biscuit as the Ugly Biscuit.  The other kids (and DH) picked up on the moniker, and so forevermore, in every batch of biscuits I make, there is always an Ugly Biscuit.  

It cooks fine.  It has the same yummy texture as the rest of the biscuits.  It tastes just like the other biscuits.  But it's not the other biscuits.  It's the Ugly Biscuit.  And therefore it's special (and we must fight over it, LOL!)

Biscuits and Gravy

For the biscuits:

combine 2 cups all purpose flour with:

1/4 cup lard (or shortening)

1 Tbsp sugar

1 Tbsp baking powder

1 tsp salt 

until all the lard/shortening is mixed in.  

Then add 3/4 cup milk and stir until a soft dough forms.  If sticky, add a little more flour.

Knead on a lightly floured surface 20-30 times.  Then roll out 1/2" thick and cut with a biscuit cutter (mine is not quite 3" around; you can also use an inverted glass of same diameter).  Place on ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake in 450 degree oven for 10-12 minutes until golden brown.

Meanwhile. . . make the gravy.  I usually get to the part of the biscuit recipe where all ingredients but milk are combined, and stick my pork sausage in a pan to brown while I do the rest of the biscuit recipe.

Sausage gravy:

1 pound pork breakfast sausage, crumbled into a skilled and cooked over medium heat until brown.  DO NOT DRAIN!!!

Then add 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter and heat until butter is melted.

Then stir in 1/2 cup flour, and about 1 cup of milk until the milk and flour are combined. 

Slowly add more milk, lots of milk.  I'd estimate 2-3 more cups of milk. I confess I don't measure it, I just add some, stir in, add some more until it's a certain depth in my pan which I know will cook down to the thickness I want.   

Season with salt and pepper to taste, and stir until it comes to a boil.  Then turn heat to medium-low and let simmer, stirring occasionally until it thickens to the desired texture.  Typically if I pop the biscuits in the oven just before adding the milk to the sausage mixture, the gravy is thickened and ready about the same time the biscuits are done cooking.